Bittersweet Joy

Well I am back far earlier than I thought I would. The last few days have been hard physically but very very relieving mentally. The supremely good news is I am officially CANCER FREE. The reports came back and they were able to get every bit of the tumor and any residual cells. That is a huge weight off my mind. And while I was climbing rooftops to shout the news out I received news that a good childhood friend of mine had lost his battle to cancer the same day. It hit a bit too close to home this time. He is one of the few people I met every time I went home. On learning of my chemotherapy he had reached out to me over the webs, sharing his story, bickering over the side effects and dreaming of an end to this nightmare. He married roughly the same time as me, had kids aged nearby mine.

On hearing the news I for some reason decided to wash my hands in the hottest water I could stand, scalding the hurt from my skin, whispering prayers of peace and comfort into the spray.  He has left, given up the fight. The cold stone of the sink shot an awakening into my eyes, a jolt stronger than coffee, a reminder harsher than other days.

He is no more.

I have very little to say today.  My heart is still heavy, my eyes are still full of tears.

My heart aches to be at his family’s side, holding their hands, soothing his passing.  My soul yearns to talk to him again, to rewind time, to play side-by-side on the warm summers of our childhood.  I ache to just be able to go back home and see the familiar face. He who had been a rock for over nine months; he who had been one of the voice of understanding I turned to when I was sick. Everything was falling apart.

Because he knew what it meant for everything to fall apart.

But I now know that only one of us would be whole again; only one of us would see our kids grow and learn and become the person, the adult they would grow to be.  One of us.

But not him.


It is a gray, gray day here and my heart yearns for everything to just be the way it was last year when I went home. Most of you do not know him but somewhere in Nagpur today there are a set of parents devastated by the loss of their adult child, somewhere a wife lays awake trying to let reality sink in that she has lost her mate and two tired kids sleep hoping when they wake up tomorrow this would just be another nightmare.

So today while my body is OK my heart it sad. Rest in Peace Sachin.


This entry was posted on Friday, September 21st, 2012 at 1:05 am and is filed under Discovery. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.