Mother’s day and me

momnkids

I lost a good friend a few weeks back. [On a side note why is it that tragedies inspire me to write posts]. I woke up today morning to the usual traditions of Mother’s day; the breakfast in bed, the beautiful flowers and handmade cards and all my mind could think is the small boy who woke up today with no one to spread his love with. His mom was gone and that would be a truth he would have to live with the rest of his life. Undoubtedly there are two events that have shaped me to the person I am: having a mother, and being a mother. I cannot imagine the heartbreak I would feel at losing the prerogative to belong in either category.

I am certain being a woman is more than that but there is nothing more that defines me right now. My job, my relationship with my friends, my interaction with the world all fades out when compared to motherhood.  Because to me, being able to enclose myself in this world between the my mom and my kids has made me who I am, who taught me to love and to fear in ways I never knew possible… that is the greatest gift of all.

I call my mother everyday, not because I have to but because I love to. We talk some days when I am in a hurry to get somewhere or days when we talk for long about life in general or when she gives me the elusive recipe for the perfect dish or when we argue over silly topics.  But a major reason is because now being a mother myself makes me so damn grateful to have a mother that I want to remind myself she’s still there… still breathing… still warmly answering the phone in her unmistakably familiar voice. I call her to remind myself that there is still someone on this planet who believes that I am awesome and beautiful and practically perfect in every way. I call her to remind myself that someone on this earth loves me in the same unconditional way that I love my sons… sometimes apprehensively, at other times honestly, sometimes with a rush of angst and horror and most often with admiration and heart wrenching warmth. A rush that only comes with the realization that you love something tangible with an intangible sense of guilt and awareness that at any moment they could be stripped away from you.

Because one of the biggest anxiety the morning news tends to give me, is that these relationships can be so fleeting. In a flash of an eye for no apparent reason can a mom suddenly be childless, or a child motherless and I cannot think of anything more heart wrenching than that.

So this morning after my kids were done with the whole Mother’s day celebrations, I held them close, felt their warm breath and warmer hugs; and then I called my mom. Silently thanking the powers that be for the familiar moments of my life, the hopeful years and years of time where she will still answer the phone with her smiling voice, ready to hear what I have to say and to remind me that I am so lucky to be able to call myself two very special things:

Mothered and a Mother.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2014 at 7:45 pm and is filed under Discovery. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.